I didn’t stop fearing death until I became an atheist.

That sounds like an infinitely braver statement than it actually it. I have no intention of becoming a daredevil, risking my life by performing death-defying stunts. And there are many things around death that fear me. I fear pain, disfigurement, disability and any pain (emotional otherwise) I might cause to my family or friends.

But death itself? Not so much.

Why have I been thinking about this? Well, I’ll be going under the knife in a little under a week. It’s not a very dangerous surgery, but any procedure carries with it a certain amount of risk. So naturally death is on my mind a bit.

But death lost it’s power to terrify me when I realized that it was nothing. There are no demons and devil-spawn waiting to torture me in an eternal hell. There is not eternal paradise. There is no ultimate transcendence to a higher being, another planet, or reincarnation.

When I die (which hopefully won’t be happening next week) my body and brain will stop functioning and I will cease to exist in any meaningful way. Since I will be asleep under anesthesia, presumably dreamless, if I happen to die I will probably not even realize it. My mind will shut down and I will slip into nothingness, as hard as it is to wrap my still-thinking mind around such a concept.

The other place I derive comfort is from the simple fact that there will be nothing I can do once the surgery is going on to change anything. I will be unconscious, and it is up to the surgeon and doctors and nurses to see me through. Much like when I board a plane, when I know that there’s nothing I can do if the plane starts to crash.

The Christians (particularly the Christian Alcoholics Annonymous) almost got it right.  You must achieve the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. No god can give you that serenity, particularly the kind that threatens to burn you for all time if you don’t believe in it.

I think I may have achieved that serenity.  But don’t get comfy, because I still plan on being back next week.

This really has nothing to do with my normal topics, but I couldn’t ignore it.

Susan Boyle is awesome. And this is one of the best videos I’ve seen in a long time.

Enjoy.

The day has finally arrived.

Zombie Jesus has risen!

And he may, in fact, be coming for you…

But in case he misses you, be sure to get involved in your own wholesome zombie-related activities. I plan on eating the brains of some very delicious looking chocolate bunnies. Whatever you do, enjoy it, because tomorrow the corpse goes back in the ground and there’s no more zombie fun for another year.

It is quite common in the online atheist community, and possibly even in the liberal-Christian one, to refer to the god of Christianity as “Zombie Jesus”.

This name, besides being hilarious, is on the surface an incredibly apt and accurate way to describe the god that around 80% of Americans say they believe in. After all, the Jesus character is written to have died and returned from the dead, and is deeply linked in some circles with the eating of human flesh. What could be more ghoulish than that?

But rather than simply using the title “Zombie Jesus” like all those before me, I thought it would be prudent to actually research the issue.

Is the Jesus character a zombie? Or some other member of the living dead? A vampire or Frankenstein-like monster, perhaps? How can we tell?

Simple. We turn to the font of all zombie knowledge. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.

A zombie, according to Mr. Brooks, is not a supernatural or magical creature. It is a human that has been infected with a virus that kills the body and mutates the brain into a new organ:

Once mutation is complete, this new organ reanimates the body into a form that bears little resemblance (physiologically speaking) to the original corpse. … This new organism is a zombie, a member of the living dead.

Alas, this criteria does not seem to apply to Jesus. According to the story, he was killed by Roman soldiers by being crucified. Presumably, he bled to death. No indication is given that he suffered a bite from another zombie, or was infected by the virus in any way.

Still, the biblical story holds that Jesus comes back from the dead.

So let’s look further.

Another aspect of the zombie is that it eats the flesh of humans. There are certainly no writings that indicate any of the apostles were eaten upon Jesus’ return. And yet, Catholic and some Protestant traditions hold that Christians are supposed to eat the flesh of their god.

Could this be a form of zombie eating? Not according to Max Brooks.

Humans have been infected by brushing their open wounds against those of a zombie or by being splattered by its remains after an explosion. Ingestion of infected flesh (provided the person has no open mouth sores), however, results in permanent death rather than infection. Infected flesh has proven to be highly toxic.

The fact that there are not whole masses of Catholic dying due to infected zombie flesh seems to suggest, at least, that Jesus’ zombification may be exaggerated.

Still, one is always served by keeping vigilant. Christians will often speak about Jesus returning once more. If this is the case, we best be on our guard.

Jesus may not be a zombie. But if he is, don’t make the same mistake that the Romans made. Crucifixions don’t work.

You can only stop a Jesus by destroying its brains.

This blog is called “Suddenly Atheist”. But more than just being an atheist, I’m also an all-around skeptic. So I think it is only fair that I address the occasional issue that is not necessarily religious, but still touches on my skepticism.

Plus, it’s always fun to open up the door for a new group of people to hate me.

So strap in kiddies, ’cause here we go…

As far back as I can remember I always wanted to believe in UFOs.

That’s a pretty heavy statement, so let’s take a moment to dissect it a bit.

When I say “UFOs”, I use the word colloquially. In the literal sense it means Unidentified Flying Object, which everyone should believe in. There are things in the sky that people see that they can not identify. But this is not what I mean, nor what most people mean, when they use the term UFO. They mean “some sort of extraterrestrial spacecraft”.

And I say “wanted” to believe because I was never a true believer. I never saw a UFO. I was never abducted. And I never really thought the books I read were true. But I wanted it to be.

Simply being a human, I think, caused part of my desire to believe. Part of being a human is desiring to be with and connect with others. And I still have that desire today. I want there to be extraterrestrials (aliens) out there somewhere in the universe. I want them to come to Earth and visit us so we could learn from eachother. So the stories and reports one hears from UFO believers are incredibly compelling merely because I wanted to believe them so much.

I finally reached a point, around the time I became an atheist, when I had to look at the UFO question with my newly trained skeptical eyes.

The evidence just isn’t there.

The stories are great. Let’s not pretend any different. But stories, anecdotes, are probably the worst form of evidence. They’re wonderful for personal evidence, but you can’t use them rationally to convince others.

Anecdotes with good evidence, however, would be enough. But I’ve never come across it.

It has, however, been quite a long time since I’ve done any research on the subject. So, by all means, if you have definitive evidence of extraterrestrials or aliens or anything of that nature, please bring it forward. If it’s true, I want to know it.

But if all you have is grainy video of moving specks and anecdotes, it just won’t be enough.

Many of you have probably never heard of Adam Carolla.

Of those of you who have heard of him, you probably associate him with being one half of a sophomoric television show called “The Man Show”.

Sadly, not enough people know Adam Carolla as the deep thinker he is. He has spent the last 14 years on talk radio, and only last week had his show cancelled. In an attempt to ‘fill the void’ (his words) he has decided to podcast a daily show on his own.

Why should you be interested?

Although he does, admittedly, have a brand of humor that is considered sophomoric, he is also a very intelligent and deep thinker. He spent 11 years on the hit radio show “Loveline”, dispensing serious relationship advice to severely disturbed callers. Doing that and keeping it entertaining is no small feat. Occasionally, he would wax-poetic about atheism, rational thinking and the craziness of the religious.

If you want an ‘atheist’ show, Adam Carolla’s podcast may not be for you. But if you’d like to listen to a master of minutiae, there is absolutely no one better. So please, give support to a fellow Freethinker. You may just thank me for the recommendation.

You can find his new podcast at CarollaRadio.com

I promise that my blog won’t just turn into me posting YouTube videos that strike my fancy.

That being said, here’s another one. But Australian musician/comedian Tim Minchin, do yourself a favor and check out his 9-minute beat poem entitled “Storm”.

If you’re an atheist, a skeptic, a freethinker, or just annoyed by hippies, you’ll love it. And look below the fold for lyrics.

Observe as comedian Brian Regan demonstrates some of the finest cold reading ever seen on stage.

And people wonder why John Edward and Sylvia Browne aren’t on TV anymore.

Newsflash:

In addition to my blogging here on Suddenly Atheist, I’ve been asked to become a contributor and blogging coordinator for the new and official blog for the Freethought Society of Greater Philadelphia. As I happen to be a member of that wonderful organization, I immediately hopped to it and set up the FSGP Blog!

But what does this have to do with all of my awesome and talented readers? (That’s right, I’m talking to you!)

I can’t write two blogs all by my lonesome. That’s why the FSGP Blog is looking for contributors. And as I know that Suddenly Atheist is visited by many bloggers and writers, I knew to come to you first.

Are you a freethinker? Do you like writing about science, skepticism, atheism, humanism, religious freedom and philosophy? Can you spare one post a week for the FSGP Blog? Then please get a hold of me as soon as you can!

Shoot me an email at fsgpblog@gmail.com if you’re interested. This project looks to be a lot of fun, and successful if done right.

Thanks!

Okay, so maybe I should rethink this for a minute.

Bad 80’s movies aside, I think I should stand by that statement. I wish I had gay parents.

Er…well…let me try again.

I don’t WISH I had gay parents. I love my parents. They aren’t perfect, and they are now divorced. But they are kind and caring and understanding, and they helped me grow up to be the person I am today. Which may or may not indicate that they did a decent job.

So I don’t wish my parents had been gay. But looking back, I don’t think I would have minded it one bit.

In fact, I think I would have turned out just as good or even better had I been raised by two married (or as good as married) men or women.

Why?

The simple fact that a homosexual couple cannot have a child by accident.

A gay couple can’t accidentally get pregnant. They can’t have a child when they don’t think they’re ready. They can’t have a child when their finances are barely enough to support themselves.

When a gay couple has a child, it is done after much thought and consideration. Not because gay people are more thoughtful or more considerate, but because they have no other choice.

A gay couple is like a couple who adopts. They may not be perfect, but you know for certain that they have children because they wanted them and planned for it.

But of course, many of our religious friends have a different opinion.

What do you think?